Backyard BBQ Bax Style Part IV

Salsa Time aka Those Ecudorians Stole Our Dates
When we last left the Chi-Town Smokers they had just completed fending off a
horde of about 600 ravenous BBQ zombies and things were just now settling
down to the point where I could grab a beer and relax a bit from the flames
and smoke of the Box.
But before I could take one step forward in strolls Val compliment me on the
fine BBQ. Val looking every bit like Mark Volmann proceeds to spew kudos to
us on the evenings bill of fare.
All the while she is talking it is taking me back to a simpler time of cool
new vinyl, rolling papers, and anything else i could possibly rip off from
her record store in Oak Park.
Let me tell ya, Val's Halla Records was like the coolest record store in town
back in those days. We had our Soundsource, Record Attic, and all but Val's
place was like hanging out in your best friends basement or alley. In fact
she must have felt right at home here in the Box surrounded by brick, rock
and roll on the speakers, and the same small square footage of the store.
You could walk into Val's and browse while all the swell tunes of the day
like Yes, Black Sabbath, Led Zeppelin, Genesis, etc.. would swirl around
your head until Val's booming voice would cut through that musical bliss
like a lumberjacks axe on a red oak asking if anyone needed any help finding
anything usually with a few expletives thrown in just to freak me out. I was
pretty fearless back in those days but Val always managed to scare the crap
out of me.
Vals was the only place you could find the monthly Triad Guide so there I
would be reeking of pot smoke, beer, and Kool's and already in a heightened
state of paranoia from the skank weed and I would carefully approach the
counter hoping the Guides would be sitting on the counter next to the
register so I could snatch one and leave . But they never were. I usually
had to ask Val sheepishly if the guides came in. She would peer down at me
from behind the counter like Gentle Ben with an Afro and bellow out "NO
THEY DIDNT COME IN YET DAMMIT!"
I always thought one day I would leave just an outline of me in her front
door as I ran out ala Wiley Coyote
if anyone told me back then that I would be serving this lady BBQ in a
gangway in RF surrounded by zombies and salsa music....huh?..wait a second
here.....salsa music????
I slip back to present day and realize that there is salsa music booming
form the other end of the gangway!

Thinking maybe I have inhaled too much BBQ smoke over the course of the
evening I thank Val, excuse myself, and step out of the box to investigate.

As I walk over by Elaine I glimpse one of the scariest sights of this whole
evening.
One fo the Ecuadorian woman who looks like the a Bizzaro world version of
Charo shimmying and shaking to the salsa music that i heard earlier. I half
expected one of the Ecudorians to jump up and start singing into a shoplight
just to complete this Lynchian scene. It looked like two pigs fighting it
out inside a gunny sack. Not too far from her is a whole table of Ecudorians
sitting around sucking down all of Perrys tequila and beer egging her on. I
tell ya thses guys had it down pat. Let the gringo bring in all the food and
booze under the guise of a big party and then just steal it right from under
his hobnobbin nose!

Off to the side Elaine is sitting with Laurie and Patty (who doesnt drink
but is stewed to the gills) . All she needed was the Otis Campbell white
suit and hat to go with her inebriated state. All the while she is swooning
over one of the young stud Ecudorians at the table who looks like he just
stepped out of an audition for Menudo. El Sabado Gigante indeed!!
In the time it takes me to grab a beer out of the cooler they managed to
have all the wives seated their table doing more shots of tequila and
leering at them like they are so many hunks of bbq'ed meat.
This called for fast action on my part. I had to figure out how to lure
them away before they ended up "stolen" merchandise for the taking like
all of the food and booze.

It then hit me..I ran back over to the other side of the gangway to
marcello's bar ,,grabbed the leather covered bottle , held it high into the
air and screamed..'Hey Ladies! Over here!..TURTLE PENIS!!!!!"

to be continued......